Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
