Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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