you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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