she woke up with a sticky ear
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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