I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
