I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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