Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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