I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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