Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
