so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
im on a boat
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