HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
