it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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