Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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