you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
