**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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