using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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