I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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