The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
