I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
