I love black thongs
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
