HIV tests are more positive than that guy
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
