Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
