first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
