When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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