so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
