A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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