i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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