I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
