she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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