if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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