whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
