i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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