I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
