I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
