is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've blown a few things in my day
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My breasts were aching with rage.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
