I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
