I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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