i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
