ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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