Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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