bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
