Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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