My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
