TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
