alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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