one two three fourrrrnication!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
