...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
