you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize