Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
