You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
