if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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