Got a toothbrush?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
