worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
