I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
