I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
