Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
