In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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