Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
