While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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