i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
