You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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