Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
