He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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