how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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