I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
