I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
