i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
