my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
