I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
