Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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