his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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