Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize