This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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