sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
