watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
