I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
