I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
