Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
