There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
