Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
